You may have been rejected in an interview or turned down for a promotion. That recent experience will cloud your judgment of events, opportunities, and individuals. It can hold you back from approaching people or putting your hand up for viable opportunities.
So, how do you stop carrying that insecurity around? How do you get rid of that recent memory and improve your self-confidence to take on new challenges? The fear of being socially judged is one of the most common forms of insecurity. Some people feel self-conscious, anxious, and fearful when in front of others. This can extend to even the smallest of social encounters like a date.
At the heart of this insecurity is a strongly rooted belief that you are not worth it. The reasons for this social anxiety could be traced to childhood or any other event that would make people highly uneasy about meeting and introducing themselves to others.
Maybe your parents were overly critical or your schoolmates bullied you. All these dramatically reduce your chances of both personal and professional exposure that are necessary for growth. Some people set exceptionally high standards for themselves. This has profound implications, especially for your studies and career.
The fear of falling short of perfection will force you to postpone finishing that term paper or writing that project report. Although you may have the skillsets to complete the job, you never end up completing projects on time. While part of it is the internal standard of perfection, it could also be external. So, you losing 10 kilos in two months is nothing to be happy about since someone managed to lose 20 kilos.
This constant comparison is bad news for your mental health. If you are feeling insecure, there is a thought you are thinking and believing that is leading you to feel that way.
Often times, we think and believe those thoughts for so long, they become a habit. And they become the default way our brain thinks about ourselves, leading us to feel chronically insecure. But there is a way out. Ask yourself, how is the exact opposite of this thought true? In what ways am I already a secure, confident person? Your brain will find the evidence for you.
And you can begin to undo the habit of believing thoughts that lead you to feel insecure. Kate Romero. I believe that people are insecure for many reasons and the primary one for most is due to the relationship they have established to themselves.
This unconscious belief colors everything they do in life and it is extremely painful. Sometimes it is wiring in the brain that makes a person insecure, and sometimes it is learned behavior.
They have an unshakable belief that they are worthless which is what causes them to bully others etc. They must at all costs protect their belief that they have little value from being found out. In the case of the narcissist, it is wiring in the brain more than the environment. For the wired behavior not too much. Where did this lack of security come from?
It came from fears, mostly about the future. What if, you told yourself that everything will work out perfectly? What if you did that so often, for so long and with such conviction, that you began to believe it? Would things change in your life, to support your new beliefs?
Yes, they would! You would find yourself having experiences that confirm the source of your security and its ability to handle anything. That source is you. Health and Wellness Expert, Maple Holistics. To feel better about yourself, stop looking at others. So why does it happen in the first place? Oftentimes, we see others appearing happy and confident without realizing that they are just as unsure of themselves as we are.
So, we hold ourselves to the perfect standards which others unwittingly create, and then we feel unsure of ourselves when we are unable to meet them. But these insecurities do not just come from people that we know.
It comes from magazines with impossibly-beautiful pictures of celebrities, characters on television shows, and alumni newsletters listing lofty achievements of peers. The good news is there are ways to build up your self-esteem. Remembering how you helped your neighbor with their groceries or assisted your boss during an important meeting, can help you focus on your contributions rather than shortcomings.
Adding in more self-care to your daily routine can help you counter negative thoughts and build up your self-worth. But accepting this fact can help you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Make a plan to set up more coffee dates and get-togethers with your nearest and dearest. Seeing yourself through the eyes of those who care about you will help you appreciate your own unique qualities and perspectives.
Noticing the people and situations that deflate your self-esteem can help you pinpoint what to avoid. Being proud of what you do, even if it seems awkward at first, can have a powerful effect on your self-esteem. Aside from making you happy, mastering a new skill is a good reminder of your talents and interests.
Speaking with a qualified therapist can help you explore your fears and insecurities by understanding where they come from. They can also help you develop new tools for navigating situations that zap your confidence. Not sure where to start? Our guide to affordable therapy can help. Through his profound technique, Shad Helmstetter, PhD, teaches you how to let go of nagging, counterproductive self-talk in favor of embracing a more positive outlook on life.
Purchase online. This book on celebrating your strengths and qualities will help you gain new perspective about your positive traits. Her book includes exercises and action plans for dealing with all kinds of emotional obstacles. This book by Beverly Engel is a particularly useful read if you think your self-esteem issues may be rooted in childhood experiences. She documents the many types of psychological abuses children experience while growing up and offers a powerful guide for overcoming low self-esteem.
By recognizing defense mechanisms carried from childhood, you can learn from your past to create a more positive self-image. Everyone deals with insecurity on some level, but left unchecked, it can have a big impact on your day-to-day life. Cindy Lamothe is a freelance journalist based in Guatemala.
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